Recently, a woman I know socially messaged me on social, asking how well I know a guy that I will call Braden here. Instantly, 2 possibilities sprang to mind: she was either researching a romantic interest or reporting some bad behavior. Unfortunately, it was the latter.

This wasn’t the first time that someone had shared a harmful experience with me. This time, thankfully, it wasn’t an assault; it was some slightly creepy behavior and cringy language. Regardless, I always struggle to know how to address those situations. I don’t want to stay silent (shout out to Kerri Grote, who died in 2021 but whose story of white culture and silence will forever live on in my mind; listen to her story here). I also reject cancel culture and other carceral reactions that focus on punishment but don’t really repair harm or create space for learning.

Fortunately, through Ex Fabula, I’ve been exploring how to create Brave Spaces – and that’s what I attempted to do. I asked her if she had any guidelines for how she would like me to respond – just to ensure I didn’t cause any additional harm. Then, I figured out a time when I’d be likely to see Braden – and fortunately, I guessed right. We were in a public space, but I pulled him aside so no one could hear our conversation.

I didn’t recount her full experience – just a summary of the situation. I told him what I was worried about, including my desire to foster healing and growth for everyone. I listened to his version of events, highlighted impact vs intent, and asked him to imagine how she might have felt. Then, we chatted about other things. The conversation really highlighted a common human situation: Braden and I have so much in common, but we do have very different beliefs about a few key areas of life; it’s possible to find shared understanding, but it’s also very easy for each of us to label and write each other off.

That evening, he messaged and thanked me for the feedback. I was pleasantly surprised! Hopefully, our interaction helped him to recalibrate some things. My cynical side may wonder if he really meant it, but I’m not going to tend those thoughts. Instead, I’m going to learn from this experience, and be slightly more ready for the next time.

Back in January 2020, Ex Fabula contracted Ubuntu Research and Evaluation to lead us through an Equity Audit. One of many takeaways was that Ex Fabula as a collective needed to build its ability to “call people in and out as well as interrupt harmful remarks in any space that is organized by Ex Fabula.” Unfortunately, those harmful marks weren’t a hypothetical – they happened, and they caused real harm.

Since then, we’ve taken many actions, including updating our volunteer training, posting “we do not condone” signage, and letting event attendees know how to let staff know if and when they experience harmful behavior. Throughout, however, we knew that our learning would stagnate unless we created space to learn in public. That led us to our most recent experiment: a Community Office Hour focused on Brave Spaces.

On Tuesday February 20, 35 participants gathered on Zoom to discuss Brave Spaces: why they are important, how to create them, and how to maintain them. Dr. Sarah Beth Nelson from UWM facilitated the group creation of a Brave Space, based on research and her own experiences; then we heard two personal stories related to Brave Spaces, one from Sarah Beth and another from Program Coordinator Ollie Moody. Next, attendees shared their own experiences in breakout rooms.

At the end of the program, we mentioned that we’d be writing a blog, and we invited people to respond in the chat to this prompt: “What’s something you want to take away from this session? Is there any action you plan to take as a next step?” We also indicated the option to share comments with their names on them as well as anonymously. Below this blog, I’m including a summary of themes as well as the full list of comments.

Personally, I really appreciated the Office Hour and everyone who showed up to contribute their ideas and experiences. Creating and maintaining Brave Spaces is a collective activity, and it helps to swap ideas and reflect with others. I’m sure the Office Hour helped me mentally prepare for the conversations with my female friend and with Braden. It also reminded me that different people have different amounts of bandwidth to address harm, based on their identities and lived experiences – so we have to share the work with that in mind.

So, what’s next? We will continue this conversation. Zoom sessions feel like a perfect winter activity for future years. We’re also considering pre-Slam gatherings. Perhaps we’ll even create some sort of Brave Space Community of Practice.

If you have ideas, please do reach out – after all to quote Beth Strano’s poem:

“This space will not be perfect.
It will not always be what we wish it to be
But
It will be our space together,
and we will work on it side by side.”

Claude.ai summary of themes from the takeaways

  1. Vulnerability as StrengthMultiple participants emphasized that bravery involves opening up despite fear or uncertainty. Comments about “not having a quick answer,” accepting “human foibles,” and bringing one’s “brave self” to spaces show people are reframing vulnerability as an act of courage rather than weakness.
  2. Intentionality & Active CreationThere’s strong recognition that brave spaces don’t just happen—they require deliberate effort. Participants noted brave spaces are “curated with intention,” “start with me,” and involve being “explicit” about norms like respectful disagreement.
  3. Community Responsibility & Collective ActionRather than individual focus, many emphasized shared accountability: “stepping in when someone’s brave space is being violated,” “helping reduce and manage risk,” and recognizing “we can be brave together.”
  4. Permission for ImperfectionSeveral takeaways centered on accepting mistakes and growth: spaces that “allow for human foibles,” where people can “make mistakes, laugh at themselves,” and create “teachable moments” when harm occurs.
  5. Redefining BraveryParticipants are expanding what “brave” means—it’s not just speaking up, but also “silence as survival,” “staying and holding space,” and “acknowledging fear while still moving.”
  6. Local Connection & Story-SharingMultiple people expressed commitment to hearing local Milwaukee stories and sharing their own narratives as acts of bravery and teaching.
  7. Diversity as EssentialRecognition that brave spaces require “diverse voices” and “people who don’t all look alike.”
  8. Hope & MomentumDespite the challenging nature of this work, there’s optimism about the number of people committed to creating brave spaces.

The emotional tone throughout is notably warm and supportive—lots of heart emojis and affirmations suggesting the community itself is modeling the brave space principles they’re discussing.

Claude.ai summary of themes from chat responses to this prompt: “ What’s something you want to take away from this session? Is there any action you plan to take as a next step?”

  • I want to take away the beautiful openness of my group members, who inspire me to be vulnerable in not having a quick answer or right action in every moment. Tenderness makes me brave! Humans are so amazing. Thank you!
  • I would like to anticipate some of the situations where I may need to speak up to ensure a safe space. At the same time, I don’t want to be cynical: I want to have some ideas in my back pocket with the hope they will stay there.  – Dan
  • An appreciation that others I do not know personally also acknowledged that brave spaces have diversity – diverse voices, people who don’t all look alike and that we can be brave together. Action items – check out story slam offerings in GB/Appleton, possibly learn some ways to use humor to make people feel more comfortable when entering a space they don’t know very well.
  • We need to be aware of other people’s vulnerabilities and step in when their brave space is being violated
  • I want/need to hear more stories from local Milwaukeeans. I feel I tend to stretch out beyond WI for something I’m searching for, and majority of the answers I seek are being told in my backyard.
  • I realized that actually sitting down to talk about Brave Spaces was very necessary. It’s one thing to get to know people by seeing them at Ex Fabula events and such and feel like we’re safe because we’re familiar with each other, but it was very different getting to tangle with a thorny issue and understand each other on a much more personal and vulnerable level. So, it’s ongoing work! And I think it’s something I want to try and engage people on with intention moving forward. -Jasmine
  • Creating a brave space starts with me bringing my “BRAVE SELF” to the space. – Tammy
  • Remember that bravery is not the absence of fear, it is acknowledging the fear and still moving, staying, holding space.
  • There are more people willing to be brave than it sometimes feels like. I want to do more to connect with and support others doing brave work.
  • My take away is that there are so many people who are committed to creating brave spaces its what really gives me hope and keeps me wanting to spend the rest of my life helping that cause.
  • I want to be more explicit about saying “challenging ideas is NOT inherently disrespectful” and highlighting how thoughtful feedback is a gift. I’m also thinking about a recent time when I was given feedback in an attacky way and process that.
  • Brave spaces allow for human foibles. Brave spaces are characterized by equality among participants, openness/ not judgmental actions and words, are joyful & playful spaces where people can takes risks, make mistakes, laugh at themselves, grow and take accountability for harms—even if the intent was pure.
  • I’m taking away a new definition of brave. That being brave in a harmful space can look like silence and not knowing exactly what to do – a form of survival– ollie
  • Whenever I find myself feeling uncomfortable in a Brave Space, I create my own brave space for myself. I loved Tammy’s perspective so much on being “Brave Ash,” as I deal with the feeling of being uncomfortable within a Brave Space.
  • I heard examples of people being brave enough to tolerate what could be seen as ignorance, and they responded with patience in order to further understanding. They showed me the power of respect. I want to be more like them. Joel Dresang
  • It’s important for us to speak up when we feel harmed to create a teachable moment.
  • Brave spaces are curated with intention.
  • As a next step I will continue sharing my story and being unapologetically myself. That way others can ask thoughtful questions and learn from me.
  • Being brave involves opening yourself up to risk. Brave spaces happen when people are ready and able to help reduce and manage the risk.
  • Teaching brave spaces needs to start when young, so offering tools to help youngsters understand how to hold brave spaces for each other.
  • Something I want to take away from this session is that creating safe and brave spaces is important in building community that strives to understand one another and respect one another.
  • I recently participated in a training where we role played a situation where some individuals were threatening others, and a group of people formed a physical blocade. It was very intense physically and mentally – my arms still ache!
    When we debriefed, some people in the blocade mentioned how they felt truly afraid, even though they knew they were in a safe space. I mentioned to the lead organizer that we are no longer in a safe space but a brave one. They shared this with the entire audience as we were closing the training. I have never heard a collective “ahhh” so vividly, once participants were given this definition for the place we are at right now… a brave space.